I have three delicious boys, not including my husband whom I call Yummy. If you have read my blogs here or at super suburb mom you will quickly learn that I am a bit corny and somewhat sappy; I am completely ok with that. Tonight as each hugged and kissed me goodnight and said all the delicious things boys say to their mamas while going to sleep It hit me once again that my boys are delicious.
My boys are 9,7 and 5 I also have an 8-year-old daughter who is fabulous but that my friends requires its own little blog. My boys are scrumptious, absolutely delicious, so much so that I just want to hug and squeeze them all day long. Fortunately for me they still allow me to do that from time to time. My first coherent words post c-section drugs to my husband were ” I hate the bitch he is going to marry him”. My husband who is more afraid of post partum hormones than seeing the placenta just looked at me as if I was crazy. He just didn’t get that the moment I saw this delicious little face the thought of sharing him with anyone was horrifying. I quickly realized that my daughter in-laws should my sons choose to marry will certainly and justifiably hate me. I am pretty sure of this. My first son, is a saint, the kid has a heart of gold. He has no idea if kids are being mean to him or making fun of him. He sees the good in all, it’s almost heart breaking. He is most certainly going to marry a dominant woman who will hate me. Can’t say I blame her.
My second son whom I call Delicious is the bad boy girls love. It is hard to believe that he is almost 7 and I already know this. That boy is handsome, smart and just trouble in a good kid kind of way. My first clue was at preschool when the parent teacher conference started with “well we are having some trouble with your son. The problem is all the girls want to marry him and all the boys want to be his best friend. IF they can’t sit next to him at circle they all break down” Meanwhile my son had no idea and if he did he acted like he didn’t. Then there is the third. This kid can play the baby role to the T but he is savvy and smart and has three older siblings to learn from. This kid is cute delicious and all kinds of trouble. My husband and I are pretty sure we will be bailing out boy #2 & 3 out of jail at some point (joking for course).
So here I am married to the man of my dreams for 11 years.My MIL is a nice easy-going woman who has never interfered with anything in our marriage or parenting or anything for that matter. The woman is a saint. She raised a saint and yet I resent her at times. Why? well, because my husband becomes a large vagina when she comes to visit. OMG it is all about pleasing her for the 3 days she visits. He tells me that if she only comes for 3 days once a year why can I not be more compliant. Well, I guess I am just a b****. Actually I am really nice but I do get a little bit of a jealous nasty side when I have to compete for my husbands attention. It all started when my first was born and my husband made the mistake saying how great she was with the baby and I should watch and learn. Ladies you know I will never recover from that one.
So I have made a decision should one of my boys decide to marry I will tell my DIL this.
1. you will hate me at some point and that is ok
2. You will love me until you get the ring.
3. You will like me until the wedding.
4. I will annoy you once you have kids.
5. You can blame me for all the things my son does wrong in your eyes and that is ok just so long as you love him.
6. You will consider me competition until you have been married to him longer than he lived with me.
7. You will eventually love me despite yourself and I will love you despite myself.,THis will take years but we will get there.
Eventually we will both live to make him happy and that will be the common link that bonds us.
So, here I am with three boys each unique in their own way, each delicious and each the apple of my eye. I treasure each moment I have with them for I know soon if I have done my job these moments will come to an end. The b***** will come and take away my boys and I will find myself blogging about the monster that married them but truly I will be happy for raising men who can love and raise a family for their own. I love my delicious boys and hope one day they will find a love of their own and give me more blog topics to write about. I can just see it now. The B**** my boys married. love them and hate them.
My boys are delicious!!!! Thank you God.
Recently I have encountered a few moms who have declined doing something or hesitated making plans because their husbands were out of town or working late and they did not think they could do it alone. My response to this is always really? Accompanied by a look of shock. My friend, who is a very independent confident woman is hesitating taking her kids skiing an hour away from home with friends all because her husband can’t make it. Really? Her kids are well behaved kids and while they do not know how to ski I just don’t get the challenge here? She is a military wife to boot, the girl moves every three years. Seriously get some gumption woman and take your kids skiing for the day with their friends.
My other friend has people make her dinner when her husband goes out of town because you know its just so hard? Are you kidding me? There is another woman in my neighborhood who is always telling us “well my husband is out of town again so I am on my own” blah blah then try’s to recover by saying I am just so lucky to be able to stay home and live in this house, whatever. When you ask where he is, she tells us at a concert. So I ask isn’t that the same concert he was at last week? SHe says yes he plans his business trip around the concert tour. Really? How old is he? 22? Don’t be all monica mopey around me because you are single mom while your husband is at a concert. UGH
Women are strong! I get knowing your limits. I understand when safety is a concern but it just bugs me when women underestimate themselves. I just don’t get not even trying. My one friend told me , I don’t know how you do it. You take your kids everywhere. I remember thinking well of course, If waited for my husband all the time we would do nothing. It bugs me even more when they gripe about how their husband is working late or out of town and its hard. Yes, it is hard sometimes flying solo but it’s not a punishment and definitely not an impairment. I mean common people SHUT UP AND TRY. If it’s more than you can handle you leave, no big deal.
There are limits and it is important to know what you can and cannot handle. Our church has Wednesday suppers, I cannot handle going to Wed supper. When my kids were 4,3,2 and 1 the thought of going to supper was just too much. It was a mile away and meant no cooking for me but the trade off just wasn’t worth it. It always crowded, the kids never ate which meant feeding them again at home anyway and delaying bed time by at least an hour and for what, mediocre food , cranky kids who are past bed time and chaos. No thanks. The thought of the Wed Suppers alone or with my husband was just overwhelming. However every time my husband would deploy we would go straight from the pier to DIsney World (I lived and hour away at the time). I would take four tiny babies to Disney World for the day by myself. It is possible and even fun. It was hard work, packing diapers for three of the four , sippy cups snacks and of course change of clothes because you know someone spilled or spit up etc. I dressed them all in bright orange shirts for safety and took other measures to be sure we were safe. I have always wanted my kids to see that we can do anything. We just have to try. So yes traveling a mile from home was a challenge yet going to a major theme park was not. It’s all about the trade off and the experience for me. Disney with four kids exhausting but it was fun and memorable and made a sad day a happy one.
I see all these women who have husbands who travel for work or are in the military or even worse work late hours everyday. I personally find it harder when they are home but not home. How about single moms? They are always alone. These women manage, they rise up, they get it done. They go on vacations, take road trips, cook dinner and even go out to dinner. Heck they even go to church which if you ask me is a lot harder to do alone than going to Disney. You just do it.
We are strong, we are the ones that need to show our kids to take charge. We may try and it all flops, that does happen, or maybe it was more than we could handle but you tried.
UGH ladies stop your griping, put your big girl panties on and see what you are made of. Seize each moment, have fun
Recently I have been reading a blog by a girl named Jen. Her blog is called “People I want to Punch in the Throat” (www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com). This girl is absolutely hysterical just be careful because you may pee your pants while reading her blogs. If you have not read her blogs you and are in need of a good laugh you need to go to her website. I keep thinking the title of my blog alone might get me injured. In actuality she is just funny and I am guessing perfectly harmless.
As I read her blogs I realize if she ever read one of mine she may very well come to my house and punch me in the throat. I am gooey and mushy and yes even used the word corny in one of my past blogs. By no means at all am I that perfect suburban mom, I don’t even have an elf on a shelf. Ok so I have a Santa Cam because it was free and I can use it all year-long but you get my drift. Ok she might come punch me now.
Motherhood is such a challenge as we all know. People can blog away, and write books and research the best parenting methods out there. The bottom line is that there is no one way to parent. It is not like a diet that you can choose carb free or sugar-free to make your goal. There is no pick package A if you want to be the super tiger mom pick, pick package B if you want to be slacker mom, pick package C if you want to be working mom. Would that be nice? Pick what time of mom you would like to be and we will send you the manual for free.
Nobody really knows what kind of mom they are going to be until you become one. I have a friend who swore she would stay in the corporate world and then had her five kids and decided she just could not leave them with anyone else all day. I have a friend who is a teacher and choose that profession so she could stay home with her kids and then go back to work once they were all school age. Her daughter was six months old when she realized that she would be a much better parent going back to work than at home all day. As for me, the thought of leaving my kids when they were babies caused me anxiety. I rarely left them and if I did it was while they were sleeping as if they would know the difference. TIme to punch me again.
But like the blogger I too get annoyed at the pressure society does put on moms. The judging that goes on, when one chooses to not breastfeed for whatever reason, the mom who goes back to work before the baby is even three months old. I LOVE being the super suburb mom who picks up her kids from school and announces “surprise, we are going on a field trip to the museum then go for ice cream”. But please don’t punch me because I am trying to seize every moment. Just like I don’t want to punch the mom who never takes her kid to the museum because she has to work. We all have our own style and what we want our kids to remember from our childhood. We all do the best we can. I too get annoyed when someone comments on the fact that even though I am bilingual my kids are not and they very bluntly tell me I am doing an injustice to my children. I happen to agree with this and believe me we are working on it but, don’t tell me its an injustice. It is what it is. There are reasons very valid I might add , at least to me why we did not introduce two languages early on. I don’t want to hear that my children will not make it to their top college choice because I do not have a college planner lined for them already. Are you kidding? My oldest is in third grade. Seriously let them be kids there will be time for that. My children do not play an instrument, they are not bilingual and guess what? They don’t really eat vegetables unless drinking V8 Fusion counts, which by the way in my house does count. I have learned that it is ok if my kids have one day where they do not have an activity. They will get into college, they will get married if they choose and someday if I have done a good job they will each have a job that fulfills them, regardless of what it is.
On the outside, yes I am “that mom”. I am put together for the most part everyday which by the way makes some of the preschool mom who are in sweats want to punch me. However, not perfectly put together, I never have a fresh manicure or the latest clothes. I am not a size zero with perfect abs after having four kids, that alone takes me out the super suburb mom category. But I am the mom whose kids are well-behaved for the most part and I am pretty sure that this will come back to bite me in the teenage years. They are often dressed alike, very sure this will come back to kick me in the ass, and well aware that people make fun of me when I do this to my kids. I work part-time so I can be with my little one and yet have enough time to volunteer at the kid’s school, teach ccd, be team parent etc.. I have a hot meal literally waiting in the table almost every night as my husband walks through the door. Ok time to punch me again. At the end of the day I just want to be the best mom I can be. I try to not let the pressure society puts on us influence my parenting. I live to make my children happy and when I need to get in check, I just read http://www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com to get grounded again. So thank you Jen for your awesome and honest view on mommy hood . You are inspiring me to be the best I can be and not be so crazy and perfect that people want to punch me.